What has two thumbs and hates New Year's resolutions...until now...

I have never been one for New Years resolutions. That's probably pretty obvious considering it's half way through January and I'm only just thinking about mine. The problem is, I always set my resolution goals too high, or make them too vague, thus guaranteeing I will fail. For example, last year, I kid you not, my resolution was "to become a better person and live my life with more grace." Yeah, you can be the judge of how that worked out.

So naturally, after the lousy 2011 year I had (with the exception of bringing the most amazing little human into the world), I was pretty much ready to just ignore the fact that the clock ticked over to 2012. That is, until I discovered the "Revenge Resolution." My mind=blown. Most of these revenge resolutions directly involved getting back at some lousy ex and making them rue the day they acted like an asshat and lost you...such as the "I resolve to get skinny and hot" resolution, or the "I resolve to be seen with a hotter dude at no less than 5 parties this year" resolution.

Occasionally these resolutions can be directed at someone other than a significant other, such as the "I will show my high school counselor that I can get into a good school without a high school diploma" (true story) resolution. Or the "I will show my parents that a doggie nail salon is a good business venture" resolution. But let's face it, most humans are motivated by making their ex jealous.

Now, I have never really been one for revenge either (though I must say, the television show is a pleasant surprise...Daniel Grayson, where have you been all my life?). Revenge just makes you feel worse about yourself at the end of the day. BUT, Revenge Resolutions...this is a different story. Most of these resolutions make you a better person...honestly. Resolutions to get healthier, or richer, or hotter...not really bad in my book. And if making your ex jealous is what motivates you to lose 10 lbs, or stop biting your nails, or start that clothing line you always wanted, then I say eff it...let revenge be your guide.

Just make sure YOU become a better person from your resolution...no "I resolve to get him fired" kind of resolutions...

So, here are my New Year's (Revenge) Resolutions...

Look like this


Find a man that looks like this

Write one of these

And always make time to cuddle, snuggle, and huggle this