I would like to welcome Heidi Klum to my super special club.

It seems like EVERYONE is getting divorced these days. I can’t figure out if it makes me feel better or worse. But anyway, welcome Heidi. Now you are officially cool like me.

But I’m not here to name drop about celebrities who are shamelessly following my trend. I’m here to give some unsolicited advice. See, I really dislike GETTING unsolicited advice…but boy do I LOVE giving it. So here it is—drink it in.

BE A GOOD PERSON DURING DIVORCE.

I have quite a few regrets in regards to my divorce…one being that I’m getting a divorce at all. But mostly that I spent so much time fighting with and saying mean things to my ex.

I was very hurt. And I read some quote somewhere that said “hurt people hurt people.” (10 points to whoever can tell me the source of that quote—I feel like I would appreciate this person…unless it’s Dr.’s Laura, Oz or Phil). I am living proof that this is true. I was so hurt that I spent a ridiculously stupid amount of time saying hurtful things to my ex…and you know what that achieved? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Shocker, huh? I am really very sad that I let my heartbreak get the best of me.

And you know what I regret even more than that? The fact that while I was obsessing over things to say to my ex, so that he would hurt as bad as I did, I could have been obsessing over my Bug. Now, I’m not saying Bug was ever in danger of being neglected or even not paid enough attention to. But what I am saying is that putting my energy into fighting and arguing and pleading and hurting was completely futile…and I’m a mom and have much more important things to obsess over.

So let my story be a tale of caution to you single mama’s out there (I’m looking at you Heidi). That snappy and mean comeback may make you feel better in the exact moment you say it, but less than 30 seconds later, you will feel like a jerk. Your little one deserves more than having this bad energy around him.

And Heidi, if you ever need to talk—I’m here.

What has two thumbs and hates New Year's resolutions...until now...

I have never been one for New Years resolutions. That's probably pretty obvious considering it's half way through January and I'm only just thinking about mine. The problem is, I always set my resolution goals too high, or make them too vague, thus guaranteeing I will fail. For example, last year, I kid you not, my resolution was "to become a better person and live my life with more grace." Yeah, you can be the judge of how that worked out.

So naturally, after the lousy 2011 year I had (with the exception of bringing the most amazing little human into the world), I was pretty much ready to just ignore the fact that the clock ticked over to 2012. That is, until I discovered the "Revenge Resolution." My mind=blown. Most of these revenge resolutions directly involved getting back at some lousy ex and making them rue the day they acted like an asshat and lost you...such as the "I resolve to get skinny and hot" resolution, or the "I resolve to be seen with a hotter dude at no less than 5 parties this year" resolution.

Occasionally these resolutions can be directed at someone other than a significant other, such as the "I will show my high school counselor that I can get into a good school without a high school diploma" (true story) resolution. Or the "I will show my parents that a doggie nail salon is a good business venture" resolution. But let's face it, most humans are motivated by making their ex jealous.

Now, I have never really been one for revenge either (though I must say, the television show is a pleasant surprise...Daniel Grayson, where have you been all my life?). Revenge just makes you feel worse about yourself at the end of the day. BUT, Revenge Resolutions...this is a different story. Most of these resolutions make you a better person...honestly. Resolutions to get healthier, or richer, or hotter...not really bad in my book. And if making your ex jealous is what motivates you to lose 10 lbs, or stop biting your nails, or start that clothing line you always wanted, then I say eff it...let revenge be your guide.

Just make sure YOU become a better person from your resolution...no "I resolve to get him fired" kind of resolutions...

So, here are my New Year's (Revenge) Resolutions...

Look like this


Find a man that looks like this

Write one of these

And always make time to cuddle, snuggle, and huggle this