Bizarre habits of single mothers while their babies are away.

Beckett is on vacation. No, literally...he's probably lounging by a pool in Arizona somewhere with a Buddha full of milk or something.

But what am I doing while Beckett is with his daddy you ask? Well, you probably don't want to know...but I'm going to tell you anyway.

1) I do my nails. Like a million times. I have had 5 different colors in the past 4 days. With a lot of time to kill, I might as we get it perfect.

2) I eat pumpkin pie for dinner. And breakfast.

3) I spend a frightening amount of time on Pinterest. Most of what I pin? You guessed it, nail polish.

4) I actually read books with adult words in them. On the list right now is "Spook" by Mary Roach.

5) I watch TV that also involves adult words...yes, I know that rules out any Real HW. I'm obsessed with Ghost Adventures. Are you picking up on a seasonal theme?

6) I tell myself I'm going work out then don't.

7) At this point I probably paint my nails again.

8) I blog about the crazy things I do without my son to keep me entertained.

Yes, it's a boring existence without a toddler around to keep his mama in check.

Love,

mama and a vacationing b

Whoever writes those smart phone etiquette articles are super wrong.

I have some beef with all those smart phone etiquette journalists out there. First, while yes, it's gross to take your phone to the bathroom with you, or be on it during a romantic dinner, clearly these etiquette gurus are not divorced single mothers. Frankly, the only time I have peace and quiet to pinterest in peace is in the effing bathroom. Also, when you say annoying things like "don't be on your phone so much when you have free time" I kind of want to scream. You know what I do when I have free time aka standing in line at Starbucks or waiting for my tires to be rotated? I think. And that's bad, because if I don't have my smartphone to distract me, I usually think about shit like the last fight I got into with my ex and then start crying in public. But with my amazing smartphone, instead of coming up with 40 different ways of telling my ex what to shove where, I pin the crap out of everything on craftgawker.

So on behalf of every divorced mom out there with an over active imagination, I'd like to actually thank Apple and Android and Blackberry for creating these genius devices that turn my brain to mush.

Love,

mama & b...who thinks smartphones are great too, if only mom would let him get his hands on one.