Sad, sad day. Katie has joined my super special and highly popular club of
divorce. Welcome Katie. Honestly, sister, you should have dumped that bitch a
long time ago. So guess what? I get my baby back today! Happy day (well, happy and sad--for Kate)! B just spent nearly two weeks away from mama, spending a week in LA with his papa and sibs, then a few days with his Neeny. Little bugger has a better social life than me.
But here's what: being away from your baby for nearly two weeks takes some serious distraction methods. I have compiled a list for all the mamas out there who have some visitation drama in their future.
1) Make friends with some form of intoxicant...or medication, if you want to be all legal and shit. I made friends with 3 Olives wild cherry vodka. We are besties now. She helped me through the tough stuff in those first few days.
2) Work your tail off. Like, hard core. I taught summer camp. I honestly didn't have a second to worry about my baby and be a helicopter mom, because I had 40 other little nuggets whose minds I was busy corrupting.
4) Flirt with boys. This is VERY important. Single mamas out there: HEAR ME...find a man. Like now. He can be any man who is willing to text you a million times a day. This man will need to be cool being the person you text every time you feel like texting the ex and saying something like "IS MY BABY OK???? IS HE EATING??? DID HE SLEEP OK??? PLEASE TXT BACK (frowny face)." If he starts to feel a little used and underappreciated, throw him a bone with something like "Hey, so I'm at a party with a bunch of hot lesbians...."
5) Clean. You are a single mother. You never clean. Take this opportunity to clean. I'm pretty sure there were things under B's crib that were growing beards.
6) Eat. I ate so freaking much while B was away. In the recent months, I have found it extremely difficult to eat all the real bad and completely unhealthy food stuffs I love so much, because of B. He is on to me. Everything that goes into my mouth is watched with eagle eye radar. Then he opens his mouth like a baby bird and grunts. If I don't let him taste whatever I'm eating, he proceeds to throw his own food at me. Therefore, I have really had to stay away from the mozzarella sticks and pizza rolls. But when baby’s away.....
7) Sleep. (Ha! Yeah effing right! You think sleeping WITH a baby is hard? Try sleeping without a baby...I have been a freaking insomniac.) Moving on....
Right, so this is a bit on an inconclusive list. I will take any suggestions.
love mama...b is a jetsetter now.
