There are certain things that are usually always on the minds of single mothers:
1) Getting enough coffee in the morning to make it through the day without a) a breakdown that involves calling your mother screaming “I just can’t take it anymore, I mean I just friggin bought him these socks and now they are fifty sizes to small, I hate my life” b) the midafternoon crash that causes you to weepily text your ex about shit like “our good times”or “why babies need a happy family…” or so I’m guessing, I have never done this, and c) making a cocktail at noon.
2)How long Ryan and Eva will make it, and how you will be there for him when she breaks his heart by running off with a French baker on one of their obnoxious trips to Paris.
3) Finding that magic financial number that will put your living situation somewhere between hobo and Real Housewife of Beverly Hills.
I have yet to find this magical financial number...but that is probably what I get for taking financial advice from ANY Real Housewife.
BUT these are my two no-fail, money saving gold mines for single moms:
1)Hand me downs. If you don’t have any friends or family who take pity on you and give you all their old crap, I honestly suggest scoping out a mom at the park with a baby roughly 6 months to a year older than your own nugget, then following her home and begging for her clothes. I have purchased clothes for stupid money that Bug has worn ONCE! ONCE! That is why hand me downs are amazing. I promise that 90% of the clothing has been used less than 5 times. Hell, I have bought consignment True Religions for $100 that were in worse condition than the box of baby clothes I got for FREE from my cousin! Find someone, anyone, who will give you hand me down baby clothes. DO NOT BUY BABY CLOTHES NEW. EVER. Those assholes at Carters probably have enough money to bail out Wall Street with the scam they’re running.
2) While you are at it, don’t buy toys either. I believe in buying books…kids can never have enough books, and I make it my one promise to Bug that I will never tell him no when it comes to books…unless he’s like 5 and asking for 50 Years of Playboy. But toys? Just don’t. Save the extravagant, noise making toys for the grandparents…grandparents love that shit. But if you see a toy a Target that sings and farts and blows bubbles, seriously avoid it. This is what Bug has in or around his toy box right now:
a. A bag of blocks.
b. Rattles, shakers and various other noise makers.
c. A riding dragon that sings.
d. Fifty balls.
e. A baby cell phone.
f. A baby ipod.
g. A toy hammer.
h. A toy bat.
i. About 400 stuffed animals.
Want to know what kept Bug occupied for close to an hour yesterday? An empty oatmeal container filled with random crap from one of the kitchen drawers…a lid, a spoon, some silicone thing, oh…and an empty water bottle. Yup. Hundreds of dollars spent on toys and my baby was more interested in an empty water bottle.
DO NOT SPEND MONEY ON TOYS.
You’re welcome.
Love,
mama & b
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