The healing power of baby poop

Hold on, because I’m getting ready to drop some knowledge on you.

IF YOU ARE A STEP-PARENT, AND SERIOUSLY ARE GOING BAT SHIT CRAZY WITH YOUR STEP-KIDS, HAVE A BABY!

I’m not effing kidding. I have two bundles of step-joy and for the four years or so that I have been step-trying-to-not-eff-them-up, I was a serious hot tranny mess.

Here’s the thing:

• As a step parent, it’s all guts, no glory. Think about it—when biokids scream “I hate you daddy!! GET out of my life or I’ll cut you!” ultimately, like two hours later they love you again and want you to tuck them in and shit. As a step-parent, they always want to cut you.





• Step-kids get the maternal juices flowing, but seriously just try and hug a step kid. They look at you like you are honestly going to eat them. I call it “mothering blue balls.” It’s like you get all excited about nurturing and shit, but can’t actually do it.





• Your own baby will fix this.





• I tried a puppy first. Cute as he is, it didn’t work.





• Seriously, have a baby.
  

OK, for reals. If you and your hubby have discussed having your own baby to add to your dys-not-so-fun-ctional family unit, do it.

A) It will bring your unit together and make you feel more like a team and less like the bad news bears.
B) You will now have a release for your maternal boner.
C) The funny thing was, my first real hug from one of the Steps came moments after the birth of Bug.
D) And if push comes to shove, you can ignore the shit out of everyone else and focus solely on your flesh and blood…but honestly, you won’t have you. You will actually matter in the eyes of your step-kids for at least a whole week.
E) I even got a shout out on FB from the 13yo. Holla!

The Puppy: Not a baby.

M